Communication Skills

A collection of tools and guides to support healthier communication, stronger relationships, and emotional well-being. Browse by topic below.

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Communication Fundamentals

Active Listening

Real listening is about understanding, not just waiting for your turn to talk. A few habits make the biggest difference:

  • Put devices away and give the other person your full attention.

  • Let there be pauses. Silence gives people room to think and finish their thoughts.

  • Reflect back what you heard to confirm you understood it correctly.

  • Notice the emotion behind the words, not just the words themselves.

  • Treat the conversation as a two-way dialogue, not a debate to win.

Communicating Effectively

Good communication starts with taking ownership of your own thoughts and feelings rather than assuming the other person can read your mind.

  • Use "I" statements ("I feel... I think... I want...") instead of accusatory "you" statements.

  • Share your thoughts and feelings gradually, with people you trust.

  • Ask directly for what you need instead of expecting others to guess.

  • Check your assumptions before acting on them — you're not a mind reader either.

  • Watch for language that blames or demands ("you make me...", "you should...", "it's your fault...") and swap it for ownership language instead.

A Useful Script

"I feel [emotion] when [event] because [impact]. I would prefer [compromise]. How does that sound to you?"

Assertiveness & Boundaries

Passive, Aggressive & Assertive Communication

There are three common communication styles, and most of us lean toward one under stress:

Passive

prioritizes others' needs over your own; avoids conflict but often leads to being taken advantage of

Aggressive

prioritizes your own needs at others' expense; can involve criticism, interruption, or domination

Assertive

respects both your needs and the other person's; confident, direct, and open to compromise

The goal isn't to eliminate passive or aggressive tendencies entirely, but to practice recognizing them and choosing the assertive middle ground more often: clear, respectful, and honest.

Helpful Hints for Assertive Behavior: Saying No

Saying no to an unfair request is a skill, and it gets easier with practice:

  • Know where you stand before responding. It's okay to ask for time to think it over

  • Keep your reason brief; long justifications give the other person more to argue against

  • Actually say the word "no," it's clearer than hedging

  • Match your body language to your words (a smile while declining sends a mixed signal)

  • You may need to repeat your "no" more than once, which is normal, not a failure

  • You don't owe an apology for having a boundary

  • Compromise is fine if you want to offer it, not because you feel obligated to

Getting Your Needs Met

DEAR MAN: Asking for What You Want

A framework for making a request or saying no clearly and effectively, especially in a hard conversation:

D escribe the situation using facts, not judgments.

E xpress your feelings and opinions about it, using "I" language.

A ssert what you want or don't want.

R einforce by explaining the benefit to the other person (or the consequence of not getting what you need).

M indful: stay focused on your goal; don't get pulled into a side argument.

A ppear confident: steady tone, eye contact, no over-apologizing.

N egotiate: be willing to problem-solve together and consider alternatives.

This approach works well both for everyday requests and for de-escalating a conversation that's going sideways.

Communication Skills Videos

I love pulling together tools that actually help, shaped by what I've seen work with clients.

I often share these with clients so they have something to hold onto after our sessions.

— Dr. Emma Nowicki

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